I'm sitting in a house full of, well, not a whole lot. The packers came this week and took away pretty much everything. We each have two suitcases of clothes, are sleeping on a borrowed air mattress, and have been washing paper plates and plastic-ware all week. I thought that once everything was gone I would feel the weight of what is going on. That I would get very emotional, start crying a lot, and start worrying about what it is that we are doing. Amazingly, I don't feel any of those things. In the back of my mind I know that there are some significant changes that are happening and going to happen. We'll be in a place where we don't speak the language, don't understand the customs, and don't know anyone. Our stuff will be gone for over a month, we will be refugees for the next couple weeks, and we will not really settle into a place until mid-September if we're lucky. But even more than that, it will be our first time living away from home, missing out of family days, Colorado mountains, and great time with friends. Now that is a HUGE change for us both. But, I feel....calm.
What? Calm? During all of this? Maybe I'm going crazy or I'm fooling myself. I have gone over and over in my head the realities of what is happening but for some reason I don't have that shortness of breath about what is next. I don't feel shaky and sweaty and scared about this major life change. If you know me at all, you know that I like to have things controlled. One of my biggest weaknesses on a relation with God level is that I like to control things. When things are out of my control I have one of two responses, freak out and start sweating and acting like a crazy person or get frustrated. But now, I feel a strange sense of calm and have very little doubts. This makes me wonder...is there something else happening. Maybe I'm a learning to trust God more and more.
There have been a few BIG things in my life that have altered it VERY much and I think this move is one of them. And I feel an amazing calm and assurance that God has complete control over this situation. I feel like I don't have to worry or control any part of this change because God has been there through it all so far and I KNOW that he is going to be there from here on out. How many things in life can we really say that we KNOW without a reasonable doubt and have the history, life experience, and testimony to back it up?
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